I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
