Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just had sex on a roof
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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