Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
