rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
