well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
