I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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