i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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