My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
