I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You can't just leave with hair like that
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
