I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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