just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
