Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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