You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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