OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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