I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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