You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
