At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
