...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
