Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
