I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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