3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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