i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
