How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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