I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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