You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
