i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
