I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
