Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
