barbara walters just said penis...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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