so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
