when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
