Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
