i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
