This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
