guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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