I puked a lego.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
