Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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