So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
