im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
