I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
