i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the liver wants what the liver wants
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
