It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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