I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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