went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
