I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
