"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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