I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
