I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
