i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
