Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
