mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
