It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
