Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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